It comes only in rare times that the Pork Chop must catalog and dedicate such attention to one figure happened upon through the rituals of travel, but when this time comes, we must honor this duty to the fullest. This post is dedicated to Andrea, who as you can probably already assume to be true, is more awesomer the Chuck Norris.
Weighing in at 165 lbs, Andrea sports long sandy blond curly hair tied at the back. His face is burned by the Tuscan wind and sun. Reigning 5'5” above the earth, he approaches each day with a strut that can only be more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Throughout the day, like incense, 28 cigarettes dangle from his mouth, never to be inhaled because Andrea does not need to breathe. From his pre-breakfast-before-putting-on-his-boots cigarette, to his pre-breakfast-while-his-boots-are-on-before-he-takes-them-off-for-breakfast cigarette, Andrea is more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Any task is not too small or too big for Andrea. Where without motivation, he will see no fault in loitering, once given to task, Andrea becomes an unstoppable machine. Gloves can only slow such a man. Face masks, goggles, ear-plugs can only slow such a man. Safety apparatus in general are for lesser beings. With an industrial blow-torch in his left hand, a dirty blade in his right, and a pre-about-to-do-the-most-ridiculous-thing-ever cigarette in his mouth, Andrea is more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Languages are boundaries for most mortal men. But not Andrea. His unabashedly Tuscan Italian is less a torrent of incomprehensible syllables and more a forging of a new language, that of Andrean Italian, which takes the language from separate words through song and finally into a single tone which holds all the secrets of the universe, and which is only understandable to those who are equally as awesome as Andrea. Which is nobody, including the decidedly less-awesome former-star of Walker, Texas Ranger. Indubitably, Andrea is more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Should Andrea be feared? No. Because to be more awesomer than the decidedly awesome Chuck Norris, you must have infinite patience, a gentle demeanor, yet kick major ass. Andrea, we at the Pork Chop Express salute you.
Weighing in at 165 lbs, Andrea sports long sandy blond curly hair tied at the back. His face is burned by the Tuscan wind and sun. Reigning 5'5” above the earth, he approaches each day with a strut that can only be more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Throughout the day, like incense, 28 cigarettes dangle from his mouth, never to be inhaled because Andrea does not need to breathe. From his pre-breakfast-before-putting-on-his-boots cigarette, to his pre-breakfast-while-his-boots-are-on-before-he-takes-them-off-for-breakfast cigarette, Andrea is more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Any task is not too small or too big for Andrea. Where without motivation, he will see no fault in loitering, once given to task, Andrea becomes an unstoppable machine. Gloves can only slow such a man. Face masks, goggles, ear-plugs can only slow such a man. Safety apparatus in general are for lesser beings. With an industrial blow-torch in his left hand, a dirty blade in his right, and a pre-about-to-do-the-most-ridiculous-thing-ever cigarette in his mouth, Andrea is more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Languages are boundaries for most mortal men. But not Andrea. His unabashedly Tuscan Italian is less a torrent of incomprehensible syllables and more a forging of a new language, that of Andrean Italian, which takes the language from separate words through song and finally into a single tone which holds all the secrets of the universe, and which is only understandable to those who are equally as awesome as Andrea. Which is nobody, including the decidedly less-awesome former-star of Walker, Texas Ranger. Indubitably, Andrea is more awesomer than Chuck Norris.
Should Andrea be feared? No. Because to be more awesomer than the decidedly awesome Chuck Norris, you must have infinite patience, a gentle demeanor, yet kick major ass. Andrea, we at the Pork Chop Express salute you.
Non capisco, Andrea. Non capisco.
It was very gracious of him to remove the cigarette for the photo. God bless Andrea... not that he needs it.
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