Prepared to Fight, vol. 1

Well, we can't say that the whole thing went off without a hitch—but then again, where's the fun without the difficulty? First off, we need to lay a few pork-chop-ground-rules before we go into the whole thing. 

First, we can afford this trip only because we insist on going cheap. The cheaper the better. If we were birds, we would go 'I'm not gonna pay THAT much for sausages!' To illustrate this point, witness our customary 'Whole Foods Buffet' run, during which we would lead co-workers around the aforementioned haute-cuisine grocery store filling ourselves with free samples, such as chips and guacamole, various cheeses, and curried orzo salad. We are not ashamed to admit that a good helping of free can cure anyone's blues. 

Second, we are not good planners. Yes, you read that correctly. See, there are many different types of planners. Some planners are 'future' planners. These are typically people who have what is known as 'an agenda.' They have the exact number of children they want already thought out, along with their names, time of birth, college (of their choice of course), cars, cloths, parties, you name it. 

Some planners are 'money' planners. They have a closely watched 'investment portfolio.' They have a habit of reading about the market in the morning, at lunch, and then again at dinner. These people also go to church and donate based on a percentage of their yearly income. Should they make more, they give more, should they make less, they give less. 

Some planners are 'nuclear fallout' planners. We at the pork-chop see these planners as kindred spirits, fortune tellers of a future time when the world will go through THE END OF ALL THINGS. This concepts has caused them to tell others the gospels of THE END, build underground homes connected by circuitous tunnels to other underground homes of like-minded folks, and, finally, provide for Bible salesmen everywhere. 

We at the pork-chop are none of these. When we say we can't plan, we mean it. We bought the plane tickets and then didn't look at them until the night before leaving (just barely printing out the information prior to hoping on the bus). This takes an incredible amount of patience and skill to maintain (and most of the time we don't recommend it). It also takes an incredible amount of bone-headedness. That, too, we must recommend against. That being said, we at the pork-chop love a good adventure. Having no plans, while being quite nerve-wracking and probably dangerous, can lead to some of the best adventuring out there.

Third, we are cautious on the side of ridiculous. We have luggage locks, a bike lock, master locks. Everything has a zipper with a flap over it. And for really personal stuff like our passports or insurance information, we have a little sack that we shove into our respective crotches. It is a rather impressive feat to keep personal documents by your personal parts all day long, even in the shower. We are not this way only in foreign places. We did not just decide to beef up security. We have a tendency to always be this way. 'Safety First' is not just a motto, but a theme song based on an 80's montage called 'Prepared to Fight, vol. 2.' 

Let's stop there, for now, and get on with it. I have already discussed the plane info. But we are really quite helpless. We decided to leave 4 hours early for the international flight, because 'we didn't want to chance it.' This translates to 'we were not prepared.'